Knowing When the Party’s Over

… No matter how much we sleep in, we still feel tired.

… We develop acne and skin conditions long after going through puberty.

… We keep missing doses of HIV and other meds.

… Our gums bleed, are sore, and our dentist reports gingivitis and gum recession.

… Friends/co-workers comment on our weight loss and wonder if we are sick

… Our mother thinks we look unwell

… We can’t be bothered to obtain and use sterile needles.

… We find out we have high blood pressure and other cardiac problems

… We repeatedly overdose

… We promise ourselves we are not going to use this weekend but we do anyway.

… We find the smallest thing not going our way can set us off.

… We feel shitty about the number of times we procrastinate, make excuses and lie to cover up our behavior.

… We are told to stop saying “I’m sorry” and really mean it for a change.

… We go to a 12-Step meeting and ask around for a lead on a dealer.

… We go to a support group for meth and invite members to PnP after group

… The top told us he’s just unloaded his toxic cum in our neg ass and we beg for more.

… We consistently have more trouble remembering where we put things. If it is Tina we have misplaced, we will spend inordinate amounts of time desperately trying to find it.

… We feel super confident when we are high and incompetent when we are not.

… We feel overwhelmed by all the shit that seems to keep happening in our lives.

… We begin to think everyone is out to get us.

… We are convinced there are little critters crawling on our skin that no one else can see and the tweezers never catch.

… We disassemble or mobile devices, computer or ceiling because we think we are being spied on.

… We tell someone we love him and minutes later we tell him that we hate him.

… We think we see demons, shadow people, or that a white van is following us

… We become used to spending every weekend high and when the beginning of every week is hell.

… What we use the computer for most is cruising for PnP hook-ups.

… We realize that we can’t remember everyone we were with last night and are grateful we can’t, because some of those guys were scary. Come to think of it, we must have been scary too.

… It takes two hours to get ready to leave the house.

… We keep making excuses for missing work.

… We begin many projects and complete none of them.

… We have several dealers and know where to get Tina 24/7.

… Using is something we need to do and don’t enjoy anymore.

… We need Tina to feel accepted because of age, race, or disability issues.

… We miss holidays with family because we were too busy having sex with people we don’t even know.

… We chose Tina over our lover or friends we hardly see anymore

… We can’t imagine how we used to be so productive before Tina. How did we get all that accomplished?

… We have lost important friendships or relationships.

… We remember all the twisted, sick shit we got ourselves into.

… We say and do things we wish we had never said or done.